Being a stepfather

Parenting as we know it can often be a rewarding yet difficult space to manage for all. Being a stepfather can at times add more to some of the parenting challenges already faced.

Whilst you are navigating this space it is good to try to remember to be aware that suddenly becoming a father can be a quick and scary learning curve for you. Being mindful that the children you are to begin step parenting will also be having lots of the same thoughts and feelings as you are, and this could likely be very difficult for them.

It is our job as adults to role model calm and confident interactions with the kids and with our partners, even in times of stress, this helps to support the children to build our trust and join in our calm. Growing a connected and supportive relationship with your stepchild/ren will take some time. It will take patience, nurturing, confidence and trust on both parts.

The ages and stages of development for the children in the family need to also be considered when building the child, stepfather relationship. For instance, being present and responsive to a toddler having big feelings and supporting that space calmly during a meltdown would be very different to arranging some one-on-one time with a twelve-year-old on an activity that they have chosen and are interested in.

Your stepchild/ren may struggle with some of their thoughts and feelings such as, they may think they are being disloyal to their biological parent? The children may not accept you; this can be a hard space to acknowledge and sit with as a stepfather. Discipline from a new stepparent can also bring about some resentment.

Your new partner may be finding it difficult to let you parent her children, differing parenting styles, or if you are not parenting from the same page can cause points of conflict in the relationship and therefore confusion for the child or children in the home. It is important for you and your partner to communicate with each other to discuss how to find some middle ground with your parenting styles. Agree on these then you can parent from a united front, this will help to build consistent boundaries and routines in the home which supports the children to feel safe and secure in what is expected of them.

Be prepared to let some things go and recognize that everyone is learning how to be a new family.

Good luck!